Monday, January 2, 2012


T''was the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!"

So, away went the last of the sour cream dip.
Got rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.


auntie said...

I am so with you sister!!!!!! I just read your poem aloud. My two children with the lightning fast metabolism stated "I didn't have to worry about that this year!" When do they ever have to worry about that? Off to the pool for me. (thank you God for grandsons enrolled in the swim program)

Anne said...

Just need a good flu bug right after, like we have, and you'll lose that weight! I did! The Flu weight loss system! Sick for five days, but five pounds are gone too..Guaranteed!

AnchorMama said...

I think I'll munch on some carrots and cry with you.