- the packet of hot chocolate mix ~ with marshmallows ~
that I stirred into my coffee this morning,
- the 10 or 12 jelly fruit thingies I snitched when
the kids weren't looking,
- the extra two breadsticks ~ with butter ~
that I had with dinner,
- the scanty five minutes I spent reading a book
with my toddlers today,
- the uncorrected math papers lying on the school
- the walk that I didn't take this morning
even though I promised myself I would
Anyway, you get the drift...
I've spent more time on the computer today than I have reading from the stack of spiritual books on my bedside table. I've been reciting the rosary of late. Reciting it. Not praying it with focus and attention. The last really good talk I had with my Maker was .... Um, I can't remember when it was.
I find myself periodically falling off the wagon for many different reasons. Which wagon? Pick your wagon: the always popular diet and exercise wagon, the organized homeschooler wagon, the attentive wife and mother wagon, the dutiful homemaker wagon, the child-of-God wagon...
And I've had good reasons to fall off these wagons.
Too much stress too much on my mind The children keep me so busy... I'm too tired There aren't enough hours in the day If my health were better... If I had enough money... If I had a little help around here... My early life didn't prepare me for "it"* My nerves can't take "it" I'm not cut out for "it;" I 'm not that kind of person "It's" not that big a deal; who's going to care anyway? I know "it's" important, but I just can't tackle "it" now... I just don't have any willpower My whine du jour: I'm getting too old for this...
* you name "it."
And sometimes these were valid excuses. Four babies in five and a half years gave me every reason to have a messy house in the first years of my marriage. Months of bedrest for pre-eclampsia twice in less than three years excused many bare bones months of homeschooling. I could even use a diseased knee as an excuse not to exercise for several years. Things happen. In order to handle one stressful part of our life, we often have to compensate by dropping the non-essentials. This is OK.
- A perfectly clean house is not essential ~ it's nice, but not essential.
- Meticulously organized plans and records, extracurriculars, and "brag points" are good things in homeschooling and in conventional schooling, but not essential
- Loving your husband and children and fulfilling your duty toward them pleasantly is necessary, but being a modern hybrid of June Cleaver and Gina Lollabrigida is not necessary.
- Being healthy and in control of your habits (like eating) is necessary, but being Denise Austin is not necessary.
That's the whole point.
When I'm pulling that child-of-God wagon, I'm keeping Him company. Christ walks beside me, regardless, but if we're keeping each other company, the journey is a whole different experience because I know He's there with me.
Me and my wagons.
Him and His cross.