Wednesday, May 27, 2009

What did I come over here for?

I can't remember, so I guess I'll sit down and write a post about it.


Everyone has photographic memory.
Some just don't have film.

~ Stephen Wright

That's me. No film. To borrow another simile, I have a brain like a seive. I barely remember what I had for breakfast this morning, and don't ask me what I did last weekend. Or last month. Or what I got for Christmas. Or what year any one of my children was born. Or who their godparents are. Or what I just walked into this room to do...

I might be able to drag a lost item up out of my memory banks if there's something remarkable that impressed itself so solidly on the interior of my brain that it's practically visible on the exterior. But, otherwise, I've learned to only fumble around for a minute or two before I ask the children what it was I was trying to remember. Sometimes they remember, sometimes they make something up. I don't know what the ratio of truth and fiction is, though. How would I?

I have a collection of excuses for my memory handicap, good for a variety of situations, depending upon how believable I need to be or how silly I don't mind appearing...

I can't think/remember because:

* I have early onset of senility (One of my favorite excuses and especially believable to the teen and twenties set)
* I'm distracted by the multitudinous responsibilities of my station (Feasible excuse, esp to other mothers, I think)

* Humidity curling my hair affects the pattern of my brain waves (Anyone who already thinks I'm an airhead believes this one)

* I'm suffering early onset of menopause (Other menopausal women understand that mushy-brain syndrome is really a symptom; young women squint with worry; kids don't have a clue what you're talking about; men just roll their eyes)

* I was out in the sun so long weeding the garden that someone else was told to weed -ahem!- that my brain is literally fried (Kids just roll their eyes at this one -- no way they'll be guilted out)

* I'm buzzing on coffee, and can't gather my thoughts because they're flitting around my brain on caffeine fizz (That's believable, isn't it?)

* Caffeine withdrawal headaches make it impossible to think straight (Just as believable, surely!)

* I was up all night with the baby (Would work if I had a baby at the moment...)

* I was up all night with insomnia (Elicits scores of advice on how to conquer insomnia, but only a little sympathy for how it makes me forget all my children's names -- and how I can't remember whose clothes are whose when I do laundry)

* I was up all night trying to load pictures onto Blogger (Gets total sympathy from other bloggers, but mystification from just about anyone else)

** There are probably more, but I can't remember them.

*** Definition for my children: film - n. A thin sheet or strip of flexible material, such as a cellulose derivative or a thermoplastic resin, coated with a photosensitive emulsion and used to make photographic negatives or transparencies.

****Translation of the definition: It's the stuff you used to put in old-time cameras to make pictures -- you took it out of the camera after you filled up its quota of pictures and took it to the photo processing center to have it developed. It's akin to a memory card, sorta. So, the analogy here would be the comparison of bad memory and very little memory on your memory card. Or having a faulty memory card that undependably recorded the pictures you took with your digital. Get it?


Kim H. said...

Who are you again?

I'm sorry. I've been up half the evening trying to load pictures on blogger!

Bwhwhaaaaa!!! Great post, Lisa! You're so creative!

Now I gotta go set the coffee pot and hit the hay, so I can remember to get the kids up for school tomorrow.

GrandmaK said...

Been there. Done that! This boat will need more buckets for bailing soon! Have a grand day! Cathy

Bia said...

i have a similar problem: i remember things, but just not the dates. what year were we married? uhm . . . when did we go to Six flags? uhm . . . . . . . . . . .

what was i saying?

Blessings each day said...

Loved this post...too true, except I don't drink coffee, so does chocolate count?

You'd think it would be easy to remember my children's names with only three of them, but no...when they'd look at me strangely, I'd finally say "whatever your name is", this needs to get done.

My friend had horses and would accidentally call the children by one of the horses names!



Natalie said...

Haha! Don't feel too bad about your kids names. Clark is the only child in our house right now and sometimes I end up calling him Luke (our dog's name) and Luke is sometimes called Clark. Haha. I remember one time my Dad called me Carolyn on accident because I was acting like his sister. I don't know anyone who still uses film. Can you still buy film even?

MightyMom said...

ah no.

see, here's the deal. pregnancy kills brain cells.

really it does...all the nutrients go to the baby and the brain atrophies during each those effects with how many times YOU HAVE BEEN PREGNANT....or, if you'd rather....HOW MANY DAYS YOU HAVE BEEN PREGNANT (I like this one better)....or a ratio of pregnant to non-pregnant days of your life so far (my fav) and YOU my dear are allowed a feeble brain.

So get yourself a Handy Dandy Notebook and write yourself notes....