Friday, December 11, 2009

Haiku: The Family Omnibus

Our offerings:

From Dan

I'm dreaming of a
White Christmas -- right up until
Sidewalks need shoveled.


Wrapping paper piles
Children buzzing on sugar
Is it springtime yet?


If you have a heart,
Put an end to slave labor:
Help us free the elves!


Santa? Oh, who cares?
It's the booty that matters
On Christmas morning


A major award,
Glowing brightly from the street,
There for all to see.


Suppose that Santa
Is lactose intolerant
And diabetic?

From me

Christmas tree needles
Working into the sofa
Prick butts at Easter.

Time to see who can
Blow out the Advent Candles
And burn their noses.


Kids singing off-key,
Getting all the lyrics wrong.
They are all groan deaf.


If they could just see
Underneath all of her clothes
Mom's in an elf suit.


Anna doesn't want
The Red Ryder Beebee Gun.
She likes bunny suits.


Where it's happenin:
In the living room doorway,
Mistletoe Central.

From Paul

Depression, Pt. I
Family gathering
The presents and wrapping strewn,
The headach has come


Depression, Pt. II
The eggnog, the tree,
The presents and the snowmen,
Fights over presents.


Depression, Pt. III
The red truck is good
But the blue truck is better:
No one is happy.


Depression, Pt. IV
The lights are tangled.
they will never come undone.
Why did we save them?


Depression, Pt. V
Candy all over.
The kids have a sugar high.
Sugar everywhere.


Depression, Pt.VI
Santa Clause scares me --
He's an overweight prowler...
Why the big red suit?


Depression, Pt VII
Santa has reindeer,
but why not something cooler?
Polar bears maybe.


Depression, Pt. VIII
Santa is to me
What wins are to the Clippers:
Nothing but a myth.

Depression, Pt. IX
Blinking Christmas light,
Why do you torment me so?
Will you please stop it?


Disclaimer:  My son, Paul is not a depressive fellow.  Really.  He's actually quite the good-time Charlie.  And, he's heading off to Mexico for ten days tomorrow morning, for heaven's sake!  And, seriously, Christmas around here is lots of fun -- regardless of the sugar highs and wrapping paper strewn everywhere.  Truly.  Really.  (I'm not kidding.)

Postscript:   Almost didn't have anything to contribute, but called an emergency session of the Davis Creative Think Tank to brainstorm after dinner tonight.  A good excuse for a good time and a good visit with Paul and Nicole before they turned in.  Didn't have time for pictures (except the mug shots and the elves) -- which pains me.  I so love illustrations!  But, we made it before the deadline.  Woohoo!  We may not be organized, but we can be silly on a dime. 

Etcetera:  I hilighted my favorites in green. (Mama's prerogative...)

Last, but most defintely not least:  Make sure and run over to Laura's and check out all the Bad Haiku contributions.  Cute, hysterical, the gamut!  A fun time!


Laura said...

How can ONE family be so good at this?
I'm jealous.

Bia said...

excellent, and kudos for getting the family involved!

your husband, with his free the elves campaign, reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter!

GrandmaK said...

This was a grand respite from te wedding preps! You all made me smile!!! Wedding in two hours and I am calm as a cucumber! :) Thanks again! Cathy

Bonnie said...

The funny thing is...these are all so true!!! lol!

I wish I were heading out to Mexico for 10 days!! Lucky duck

Lora said...

Love the family contribution! :0)
And I was nodding along the whole time.

Jason said...

This is a great site you have here. It's pretty funny. I have a humor blog as well and I'd like to exchange links with you. This will spread some traffic around between us. Let me know if this is cool.

HilariousHeadlines TALK

MightyMom said...

stop the blinking dear
easy enough thing to fix
remove blinkin' bulb.


Aubrey said...

Good heavens! How funny. :)