It's That Time Again...

And no getting out of it, to be sure.   We are haunted with Halloween week: the whole world is aglow with orange lights and cobwebs and we've run into ghouls and goblins everywhere.  A tiny little "Jason," all of maybe seven years old and complete with goalie mask and machete, crossed in front of us at a crosswalk in town yesterday; the trebouchet operators at the Punkin Chunkin we attended Saturday were doing some kind of Victorian Goth Aeronaut theme; and the girl who seated us at Applebee's had black lips and pink hair.  But, then, maybe she always has black lips and pink hair.  You never know these days. 

For most people, there's little immediate threat in doing the conventional twenty-first century Halloween thing. A little girl collecting candy door to door in a pointed black hat and fake green nose tied behind her head with elastic is not going to suddenly turn wiccan overnight.  Six-year-old pirates don't generally grow up to loot and pillage.  Teenagers who go to Halloween haunted houses dressed like Freddie Krueger don't usually become serial killers.  And, certainly, there can be lilttle harm in touring the neighborhood with our wee ones dressed up as little princesses and lady bugs and peapods and such.  Right?  I mean, we all enjoyed these spooky Halloween traditions when we were kids, and we turned out alright, didn't we?

Well, we did, didn't we?

I assume the answers here are mostly, like mine: "Yeah, not too bad. Considering."  I mean, I'm trying very hard to save my soul, regardless of some near misses when I was younger and constant fits and starts as I get older.  But, the question here is not whether you or I turned out alright; it's how best to be sure our children turn out, not just alright -- but, like us, too -- whether or not they turn out to be saints. Whether or not we raise them to be saints.  The question here really needs to be: What's best for the kids?  What's the best atmosphere in which to raise them?  How can we best protect them? What's important and what's just window dressing?

The Halloween question didn't used to be as important as I think it is now for us as parents.  In former times, say from the Victorian days when Halloween first caught on up until the fifties or early  sixties, the spooks and tricks of Halloween were less morally threatening to our children because they were weighted against a more wholesome world.  Not only was the world a comparatively safer place, but, for the most part, good was acknowleged as good, and evil was known to be evil.  Our culture today, though, has lost its perspective on good vs. evil.

 Take a  look at our generation's pop idols: the afore-mentioned Freddie Krueger character has achieved the same folk hero status as Captain America; the most idolized romantic characters of our time are vampires; and the top-selling children's book features black magic and wizards. Among the most popular Halloween costumes of 2011 are: Harry Potter characters (still?),  Lady Gaga, Martin Sheen (there're a couple role models for ya!), "sexy" anything (pirates, flight attendant, cop... you name it), and Angry Birds (Huh?).  Halloween is usually seen as a harmless excuse to play dress-up, and, sure, mimicking, copying, make-believe -- it's an important part of growing up, but don't we want our children's formative years to be filled with memories of true heroes?  Don't we want them to emulate the good guys, in particular the saints?  And if we're going to play dress-up -- and copy the good guys, why not just celebrate on All Saints' Day instead of Halloween -- and skip all the iffyness?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I can hear the objections now.  (They're all over the internet!)  "But, it's really all just for fun!"  "It doesn't mean anything to my kids; they aren't influenced by the dark side of Halloween; they're only in it for the candy, anyway!"  "Halloween's actually a healthy psychological outlet for dealing with fears."  "Everybody does it!  Why should I deprive my child of all the fun?" Etc., etc., etc...  Well, not that it matters, but -- here are my thoughts on all of that...

Sure, Halloween is fun, and some of the most lasting memories of our lives are those that are flavored with the sights and sounds and smells of holiday traditions -- like those that have evolved with All Hallow's Eve.  And then some.  It's astounding how much commercialism now surrounds this formerly low-key, chiefly children's holiday! It's all hype and electric lights to go with the candy these days. But, as Christian parents, do we really want to take the chance of connecting a parent-condoned fun time with the rest of the brain trash our children will inevitably swallow with their trick-or-treat candy?     It may not happen while our babies are carefully protected, trotting around the with us in their princess dresses and little lion suits, but they don't stay little and innocent forever. And, while none of us would think of dressing up our little girl in a sexy witch costume, for instance -- what about that troupe of teenage girls in sexy witch costumes trick-or-treating alongside us? Will our little girl think they're something to emulate? We hope not.  But do we know they're not noticing?  What about our little boys?  Are they intrigued by the gangs of trickster boys, dressed like vampires or goths, looking very cool and grown up? Or are they noticing those teenage witches, heaven forbid?  If they aren't interested in those things now, do you know they won't be later on when your influence on them is less and their peers' is more?

  But there are even worse influences at work most especially at this time of year that add to any other issues of peer pressure and temptations.  Many would like to pretend it doesn't exist, or that it doesn't affect anyone who's not directly involved, but October 31st is a high wiccan feast day.  I venture to guess that 99.9% of parents don't dress up their children and send them out on Halloween to celebrate Samhain.  But there's a very dangerous .1% that is out stirring up the devil on the same night thousands of people -- most of them children -- are dressing up like ghosts and ghouls, ax murders, and little pink princesses.  And this .1% is very interested in recruiting our children.  Let's make that .1% of the American population and all the legions of devils that lie in wait for our children's souls, as well.  An unsavory thing to say. A terrible thing to think about. But true.  Did you know that, according to some reports, wicca is the fastest growing "religion" in America?   An online witch school recently declared a shortage of teachers as a result of this.  The culture of our times seems to be a very fertile ground for the occult. Is it worth the risk to associate with this in any way at all?

 It's very scary.  Which brings up the theory that Halloween is a safe place for kids to "work out their fears." How's that for an excuse to keep on Trick-or-Treating? Ahem.  I don't know about you all, but over here at our house we don't work out fear by throwing our children in its path. And, I'm sorry; I hate to burst the bubble of the highly-educated psychologists who come up with these ideas, but Mom buying a W-mart costume or throwing a sheet over a child's head with holes cut out for eyes is hardly addressing fear issues.  Seriously.  It's a good way of addressing the fear of not  fitting in with the crowd, and wearing a mask erases the fear of being caught going to the same house for candy twice...  But, really addressing fear issues means snuggling up next to your little one at bedtime because he's afraid of the dark, teaching him to pray, and explaining to him about his Guardian Angel. Or talking honestly about life and death.  And peer pressure.  And quack psychologists.  At least that's what it is at our house.



Michelle's All Saints' costume this year:
Mary, Queen of the Universe.

 We feel like it's safer to work out our fears with Christ on board, and we prefer to throw in with the saints on November 1st instead of joining most of the western world on Halloween.   It's important to us that our children  understand at a young age that there is, indeed, a war out there, and it really is good against evil.  And they might as well know that, if they're going to be on the side of good, they're going to be at war with most of the world -- and the world's ways.   Might as well embrace the challenge, kids!  (Talk about facing fears!)  And the best way to defeat darkness is with light.

Few things are more important to their development than the landscape we paint in our young children's minds and souls.  We parents hold the paintbrush; we allow -- or don't allow --- others to add to the atmosphere of their hearts.  If we have a choice -- and most of us do -- why would we want to allow dark things to be added to those beautiful blank canvases?

 Celebrating All Saints' Day instead of  Halloween is one way our family gladlhy parts ways with the world.  Please don't be mistake us, though. It's not a 'fighting point' for us. We don't condemn those who haven't gottten to this place in the path and discerned the same direction as we have.  And, to tell you the truth, the subject of Trick or Treating rarely even comes up at our house because we're too busy this time of year getting our saints' costumes together and our parties organized to give it much thought.  But, if any Trick-or-Treaters happen to make the long trek down our driveway, we always have candy available.  (They'd get a big ole' handful, because we'd be so shocked that they'd go so far out of their way...)

To close, though (if anyone has made it this far) --  though the whole topic really isn't a big deal in our family, but, the subject does tend to come up in the blogging world quite a bit,  and that's why I've decided once again to tackle it.  I think it's good not to just declare our "stripes," but to explain them. And I think I might just have blabbed enough this time to have covered 'most everything.  (Ya think?)

In a nutshell:  Nope.  Don't do Halloween.  Never did.  Never will. We won't give you a hard time if you do the Halloween thing...  But, do we think it'd be better if everyone celebrated All Saints' Day instead of Halloween? 

You bet your sweet bippy we do.

Look What I Got for Easter!

L-R: daughter Michelle, friend Lisa, friend Tim, sons Kevin, Jon, Dominic, friend Adam

Please excuse the unannounced blog vacation! I found out Saturday afternoon that, in spite of our previous resolve, my wonderful husband was loading up the gang and some of their friends and bringing them all home with him Easter Sunday! What a welcome and happy Easter surprise that was! As you can imagine, their being here has kept me pretty busy, all by itself. But, I also traveled to the Western Slope on Tuesday for my friend's rosary and funeral, and only got back last night. (It was a lovely, sad funeral, but we feel sure that if Angela is not already enjoying the beatific vision, she will soon be.)

But, anyway, I'm home now. Except for our oldest son, Paul, we're all here. And then some. &:o)

Tonight we're pulling together a double birthday party for Kevin and Jon, whose birthdays, the 25th and 28th of March, will never again (in their lifetimes) both fall outside of Lent.


Kev
19
**
**
Jon
17



So I have a roaster full of roasts cooking down to delectible yumminess for barbeque and we'll be making a big southern trifle (We call it "Sumpin' good") of oreos, whip cream, and mocha flavored pudding for the birthday "cake."


The gang is out visiting friends right now and I have the house to myself and the five Littles. So, we'll make a path through the backpacks and paraphernalia that comes with teenagers, clean the bathrooms, and get a leg up on laundry while the coast is a little clearer. Then, tonight after all the aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents arrive, I'll see if I can coax the Omaha contingent to sing for us. So, stay posted to see what they come up with for us.

And, Oh, Yeah! Meet the newest member of our family:

I can't help but feel like it looks a little too "soccer-mommish" for me. Our big old 15 seater van was a kind of badge of our highly-prized, big family weirdness. But, the poor old girl is only worth about $2500 and it was going to cost $2000 to fix her. Yikes! And, honestly, the gas was killing us. We travel about an hour to Mass, and are 40 minutes away from the nearest Walmart. Need I say more? And, while I will miss all that wonderful space in the big van, my poor back sure appreciates the ease of loading the babies into the minivan! (And it's runs so quietly and smoothly, I feel like I'm driving a hovercraft!)

To Bunny or Not To Bunny,

That is the Question...

A kind commentor mentioned that she was waiting to hear how we celebrate Easter. And I though, "Well, um, gosh, I thought I did that..." But it occured to me that I didn't mention maybe the most significant thing about our traditional Easter celebration, and this is likely the detail she wondered about. See, I did describe all the things we do, but I completely forgot about that thing we don't do.

Yes, folks, you guessed it. We don't do the bunny. We have no quarrel, whatsoever, with families who cherish this tradition. Heaven knows, I don't want to get into that discussion! But, we just have never felt that the pretend "magic" and "mystery" of the Easter Bunny was better than the real Magic and Mystery of Our Lord's Resurrection. It just seems a little distracting to us. After a good Lent, it seems a little, well... inconsequential...

We enjoy coloring and hiding eggs, but the children know that Mommy or Daddy or sometimes Aunts or Uncles or Big Brothers do the hiding. (I think the repartee resulting from that knowlege during the hunt is way more fun!) I make up Easter baskets, and sometimes we hide them, but usually we just have them waiting on the dining room table on Easter morning. As long as there's candy after the long sugar drought... Well, seriously, the kids don't care where it comes from! In general, our celebrations are more about being together and enjoying the Feast for the sake of the Feast, and we've never missed the invisible rabbit.

Other mythical creatures that we wave at as they pass our house through the year:

The Tooth Fairy

Santa Clause

The Great Pumpkin


But, we do believe in Leprechauns,


And we're split on Nessie and Bigfoot

Santa in Our Backpacks

I was reading one of my favorite blogs yesterday, I Have to Sit Down. Simcha always makes me laugh, always makes me think. We may not always see eye to eye on things, but..... Well... I really don't care!

And that is exactly what her post yesterday got me thinking about. Though she ended up in humorous exasperation at those people who are hyper about the politically-correct-gender thing, she prefaced her main point (Or was that her main point? Hmmm...) with an observation that got my wheels turning even more.

Why are we, women in particular, so afraid to offend one another by being different from one another?

Americans, Catholics, Parents, Homeschoolers ~ no matter what subset banner we wave over our heads, we are not all the same. It's easy to want to think that, because we belong to this very exclusive group of "Catholic-Homeschool-parent," or, even (Gasp!) "Traditional-Catholic-Homeschool-parent" we are going to be like-minded in everything and be able to carry on deep, meaningful discussions of life and philosophy and child-rearing without ever disagreeing.

But, good grief, of course we're going to disagree! Whaddya expect? With millions of combinations of temperaments, experiences, challenges, and God-given gifts and insights, how could we all be at the same place on the Path at the same time?

Now, do I proudly defend the path I've chosen as the correct path? Of course I do! If I didn't think it was the right path, I wouldn't be on it!

Will I try to do what I can to help those I think are straying off the upward path? I have an obligation to! But, I better be doggone careful I'm really helping them up and not pushing them off! It's a very tricky thing, and an endeavor not to be taken lightly. I believe the best help I can give anyone is prayer and good example. St. Francis of Assissi said, "Always preach the Gospel, and, if necessary, use words." My evangelization, due to my station in life, is a subtle one. I have ten souls (twelve, counting my husband and myself) that I'm directly responsible for, and I lecture them plenty, but the rest of the world, I've given into the Blessed Mother's capable hands.

Here's the sore point...

What do you do about those people who are on a different place in the Path than we are, who become offended by our lifestyle choices? Some people assume that because we do this, we must condemn that. So: if we unschool, we look down our noses at structured homeschoolers and most certainly conventional schoolers; if we prefer dresses, we look upon "pants-wearers" as unworthy; if we only give our children homemade, eco-friendly toys, we assume plastic-toy-parents are not our equals.

Pish posh!

To think this way scorns charity. And, while the word "tolerance" has evolved into a liberal excuse for "anything goes," the original definition which includes the concepts of mercy and understanding still applies to all of us. Self-righteous judgment doesn't save souls.

And, let's talk about this Path. What really constitutes a step off it, and what is merely a "divergence" due to someone's differing choice of tools to scale it ~ often tools, God has handed to us due to our differing needs?

If you do not adhere to the dogmatic teachings of the Catholic Church, you're off it. If you're in mortal sin, you're off it. Do I have to be extremely careful about judging either of these? Oh, man, do I! But, I have to do it, if for no other reason, than to properly instruct my children about bad examples. And I also teach them that God alone judges the person!

What about those people who aren't off the path,
but are getting awfully close to the edge?

Straying into habits, places or company of temptation pulls you close to the precipice and is a danger we have to avoid and teach our children to avoid. Some of these edges have no guardrails, particular those temptations against purity. The problem here, though, is that we may disagree on what are temptations and how far we need to go to avoid them. Swing too wide and you fall off on the pride side! Where you always end up losing that all important walking stick, charity...

And, of course, all the virtues are our hiking implements; the heavenly court supplies our guides; tradition our compass; and sacrifice...

Sacrifice is the load we carry on our backs: the food, the water, the bedroll that we'll need as we go. It's also got the rope we'll need for getting over the really hard places. You may think you can get up without this pack, but you'll find you'll be better off if you take it with you. You're bound to be picking up plenty of stuff along the way whether you like it or not, and you'll need a good place to put it all.

What do you carry in your pack?

One of the causes for disagreement among Catholics is the choice of what to carry in our packs. Sometimes we're tempted to scoff at those who don't choose the same sacrifices as we do. We think they're missing out on something. Silly. We forget that God is the one who does most of the packing of this bag, and I think He sometimes smiles at the unnecessary things we stow in there ourselves, when He's already got it covered. The Church tells us what's necessary; God puts in a pick and shovel sometimes if He knows we'll need them. And He loves it when we lend out things to others from our own packs.


But, regardless, I think He likes our attempts, especially when we keep them to ourselves and don't brag about them. And when we trust Him to take care of the choices and needs of His other children, especially as regards the sacrifice thing.

A lot of the choices that cause consternation among Catholics fall here. As you probably know ~ and, please don't misconstrue this as bragging, but in the way of an example only ~ our family doesn't go trick or treating on Halloween. This is something we chose to give up. It actually is not a heavy burden at all, but we hope it may help us somewhere on the path.

What you don't know about us...

... and I've been loathe to tell because it is a divergence that I'm afraid will cause, um, offense... What you don't know (Hold onto your hat and cover your children's eyes if they're reading over your shoulder!) is that we don't do Santa Claus at our house, either!

There. I've said it. It actually comes as a strange relief...

Nope. Haven't done S.C. since our oldest was about 4 years old. It's something we gave up looking for something that might help us better down the road. Do we believe everyone should make this decision? Only if God calls you to it. It may not be something He needs you to do. How on earth can I know that? I only know what we needed to do. And we haven't regretted it an instant. In fact, it really hasn't been a big deal at all. We have a custom-rich Christmas, full of presents and good cheer. All the presents just have a loved one's name next to "from."

We truly think it's great if Santa comes to your house; doesn't offend us in the least. But, um, look out if my five year old gets to talking to your five-year-old because she truly hasn't a clue about subtlety and tact and letting sleeping dogs lie... And she never backs down. Ever.

So, now that you all know our "little secret," I can explain our family Christmas customs and they'll make better sense to you. And you won't mind, will you?


Having Santy Clause in our pack may make it look oddly large and lumpy, but he's actually really light. Like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon.

Who knows but that the helium might come in handy at some point...If nothing else, we can amuse ourselves by sucking it in so we can sing the hiking song like Donald Duck.

I hope that doesn't offend anybody...

Halloween

So, I guess I'll have to show my true colors... I'm a Halloween Grinch. You know the kind; the ones that are out to spoil everyone's fun.

But I'm not furry and green and rarely sneer. That kind of Grinch fits right in at Halloween.

Instead, I'm the kind of Grinch that stands out like a sore thumb this time of year in most gatherings; I have little homemade feather wings, and a foil pipecleaner halo... and I pass out holy cards.

Almost every holiday has its controversy, I'm afraid. Except maybe St. Patrick's Day ... which... I guess you could object to as it's become just an excuse to go to an Irish pub and sample too much Guinness...

Or, well, there is St. Valentine's Day. But, I guess you could object to that feast day evolving into an excuse to flirt, couldn't you? I can't deny these are both abuses I'm afraid I may have been guilty of in the past, myself. Let's face it, it's just human nature to want to celebrate.

The Church in its wisdom has always understood this. In a nutshell, we need to relieve stress with periodic partying. And, with this need in mind, when they came to a new culture to teach and convert, missionaries strove to take native celebrations and convert their meanings and subtly adapt their trappings to Christian themes. They purposely placed Church holidays around the approximate times of important events in the life of Christ, but also to coincide with nonchristian celebrations they wished to replace. And they were almost universally successful in this quest.

The institution of the Feast of All Hallows, or All Saints,was an attempt to replace the Roman feast of the dead, Feralia. But, the customs most commonly associated with the celebration of this holiday in the modern world are Gaelic in nature, a passdown from the druids.

Not a wholesome lot, the druids.

I think most of us Catholic moms do try to downplay the materialistic trappings that have come to smother the real meanings of each of our Catholic holidays ~ holy days. But, Halloween may be the one that is hardest to overcome. Out of all of the holidays, I think Hallween has reverted most to its pagan beginnings. And, while most of the holidays have caved into crass commercialization and saecularization to some extent or another, none of them has fallen into such an unwholesome set of new traditions, as Halloween has. Let's face it, much of it is downright demonic, and unapologetically so. But, we excuse it because it's an American tradition, and, well, we did it when we were kids, and we turned out alright...

And, seriously, if we don't dress our children as witches or devils, it should be alright, shouldn't it?

Well, if the Church thought it was OK, I don't think they would have replaced the Feast of the Dead with something as purposely full of joy as the Feast of All Saints, for one thing. I think the popes purposely picked something as polar opposite these particular pagan celebrations as they could in this instance. And with good reason.

Not every child will be negatively affected by a few days' journey into a dark world, perhaps. But what about the ones who will be? Highly sensitive children are not even the ones that are most at risk here, but children who might have kindled an unhealthy interest in dark matters, and, Heaven forbid, eventually come to experiment with the occult. You don't think this could happen to your child? Read the statistics on the rise in numbers of teens joining the wicca cult just since the JK Rowlings books have been published. The devil is a busy little loser. He'll use every opportunity he can get.

Evil matters should not be taken lightly. And that is exactly the purpose of Halloween as it's practiced today. "Innocent" fun.... dabbling in evil matters. Your sweet little girl may be dressed up like a princess, but she's walking on the same sidewalk with "witches" and "ghouls" and "ax murderers."

Why glorify this kind of thing? At best, it's just a big, ugly distraction from a far better celebration. One that they can still dress up for. And the costume thing may even be beside the point, because as we all know, Halloween is really all about the candy.

It's not hard for any parish, or group of families, or just a single family to whip up a night of fun, with candy and games, in celebration of the Feast of All Saints. Seriously. The amazingly talented and energetic women I see in the wide world of Catholics are more than up to the task. Many of us already do this annually.

Now, can rejecting the Trick or Treat scene make you an oddball in your neighborhood? Well, sure, it may very well. Isn't that great? We should be oddballs in this world, for goodness sake! If you're not an oddball in this saecular humanistic society, you're not living your faith, plain and simple. Why shouldn't our children learn this?

The tradition of celebrating the saints on this day instead of following in the path of the rest of the world is a real life example to your children of your priorities as a family of God.

And good grief, it's not like an All Saints' Day Party is a sacrifice! You can make it just as much fun, more fun, we think, than the typical Halloween outing! But, instead of being about darkness, it's all about light. And it's in the safety of your church hall or someone's home, where I think most of us parents would rather the children be, anyway.

You, too, can be one of those "obsessive Catholics."

Just like the saints.

(Aw, come on! It's fun!)

Here are some great ideas for All Saints' Day Parties from: The Domestic Church, Catholic Culture.com , Women for Faith and Family, and Catholic Parenting