Jumping Off Swings

My brother, Greg (God rest his soul), and I used to do this. It's what we thought swings were for! What good was "back and forth, back and forth, back and forth," with no SSWWOOSH! and a glorious moment of weightless freedom -- before you crashed down into the dirt -- and twisted your ankle?

Remember the flat-seated swings? You don't see them any more; I expect they're casualty of our hyper-cautious Western world, but they worked far better for launching yourself out of than today's "sling" seats. I mean -- no kidding -- shooting out of the old-fashioned swings at the top of the arc, you were a rocket! For a minute. And then you had to scramble out of the way before the hard wooden seat swung back down and cracked you on the head...!

Talk about fun! What do kids these days know about the thrill of near-concussions?

It's a wonder we survived, but I think we're the better for it, my generation and the playground hooligans before mine.  There's something to be said for calculated (or not so calculated) risk taking -- and learning from your own mistakes the hard way.

Not that good parents shouldn't protect their children, mind you. Especially as concerns their innocence, we have to be almost obsessively vigilant -- and we can't just let them run wild and free around most neighborhoods. It's just not safe to do that any more. But, they do need to have the apron strings loose enough that they can learn to find their own ways in the world. Good parenting means sometimes stepping back and watching our kids jump out of the swing.

They need to find out, for instance, that if they don't study and do their homework, they'll flunk -- and nobody is going to smooth it over for them, turn a blind eye, and pass them forward.  They'll be humiliated. They'll have wasted a whole year. But it was their responsibility and no one else's -- and they have to suffer the consequences, or they'll go through life expecting to be passed forward without doing the work to deserve it. That's a terribly big fat wooden swing seat to get hit with. It's the sad kid that learns to duck it by getting hit -- but it's a lesson they'll learn to take seriously.

If a kid gets into an argument with his friends, he can and should receive counsel from his parents, of course, but it's up to him to learn to be the  diplomat -- or find out how lonely it is to be an outcast. Straighten out your own affairs, kiddo, or get hit in the head with the swing.

If a girl spends all her allowance on Amazon and doesn't have enough money to go to the movies
with her friends, well, darn: Mom and Dad may be sad for her, but they shouldn't gift her the funds or lend from next month. Don't teach your child to be credit dependent; if she's a good kid and just didn't expect to need to save for a treat, make her work for movie money.  How will she learn to be financially prudent if she expects to be somehow always magically bailed out? You may be the one getting hit with the swing!

There are many examples of responsibility and just plain old common sense that are very often best taught by watchfully allowing our children to suffer the consequences of their failures.  And... there are an equal number of examples of things that just aren't worth the hassle for Mom and Dad. For instance, making elementary school children responsible for the location of their own shoes -- the hard way -- never works; they'd just as soon go barefoot. And if the pets don't get fed, they starve. Choose your lessons wisely!

Personal responsibility and self discipline really must be taught, though. They don't come naturally to most. We can see that in our own daily interactions and by reading the news.  For children to grow up and  succeed in the world and, more importantly, save their souls, they must learn that there are consequences to their actions and omissions. We have to let there be consequences. Sometimes we have to let them get hit with the swing for them to appreciate the intense satisfaction of running a victory lap around the swing set after NOT being hit.