Child Rearing Stuff: Whistle While You Work

 Hi Ho-o-o!

One of the most successful Mom-tricks in our household as we raised our ten trouble-makers (because there wasn't one amongst them who wasn't a little imp -- if only occasionally) was stealth bribery.

Claudia cleaning the hearth

Not 'stealth' because the kids didn't know they were being bribed, mind you. If they used the brain power to think about it, the children knew darn well that the system of rewards and punishments we employed was really just a form of coercion with incentive -- but so the world works, right? They might as well learn it from the start! The harder we work, the more likely we'll gain rewards; the nicer we are, the more likely people are to praise us and give us things. 

The 'stealth' part, though? In part and parcel, it amounts to the fact that Mom's workload is cut in half and youngsters learn to carry their weight in a bustling and therefore messy household while really only noticing -- or caring about -- the carrots Mom dangles in front of their noses.  They may know it's bribery and might sense somewhere in the deep recess of their consciences that lessons are being learned -- but they really only care about the carrot. Mom gets chores done, though, and habits are formed. It's bribery beneficial to all concerned. Some if the more enduring examples of  our daily bribery rules back in the day:

1. Get up before 7 a.m., eat your breakfast, and do your assigned chores -- and you get 20 minutes on a mom-approved computer game before home schooling starts.  (Keep it quiet and let Mom sleep in and you win "Mom's favorite kid" distinction!)

2.  Tidy the floors of toys and the tables of debris at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. and Mom will provide snack afterward. (But NOT until she's satisfied with the job.)

3.  Tidy again at bedtime, manage to peacefully appear in pajamas, clean teeth and person, and present yourselves without tousle or trouble for rosary, and you win the prize of getting to enjoy the next chapter or two of the purposefully- chosen, suspenseful book we are reading.

Daria, working on the couches.

 Thing is, to make this system actually work, Mom and Dad have to stick to their guns (so to speak), faithfully rewarding the deserving, but also steadfastly withholding rewards from those who don't earn them -- and that can be a bumpy learning process for some! (Bless their hard little heads...) But it doesn't take more than one or two lapses from Mom or Dad (skipping the earned rewards or rewarding the underserving) and the whole system comes tumbling down. Not enough can be said regarding consistency and fairness in sticking to the rules -- not just the children, but Mom and Dad, too! The best phases of our parenting years occurred when we had only a handful of carefully chosen rules -- and stuck to them like glue. Trust me on this; children need structure and discipline -- and so do we! Not goose-stepping sternness, not a Nazi-like structure of fear and whippings -- but common sense requirements for all family members with dependable, prudent repercussions when they aren't lived up to -- and rewards when they are.  That notion of common sense applies not only to the expectations we have -- but how and when we choose to dispense the rewards and punishments. Many times just a word of praise and a pat on the shoulder is all that's needed or wanted. A cookie for every little thing would end up in disaster -- and pretty chunky little chore-meisters. Likewise, our verbal reprimands or obvious disappointment over the hundred thousand small infractions in a day usually suffice. In the same way that too much constant reward becomes meaningless, too much constant punishment is also ignored. Save the gulag for real crimes. 

Margaret Swiffering (Mommom put H20
in the Swiffer. Note to Moms: keep an
empty bottle just for this purpose -- be-
cause there is truly no way to keep a toddler
from pushing that squirt button!)

Caring for the home we all live in really should be a part of the unbending rules, though, a natural structure of our days and an expectation of our children starting from the youngest ages. It's neither fair nor possible for Mom to be in sole charge of the whole house and everything in it -- and expect her to maintain a cheerful countenance about it. (If Momma ain't happy...) Momma and Dad, of course do need to work right alongside their children, instructing them how to properly take care of things, from laundry to cooking, to housework and outdoor chores. Children need to see Mom and Dad uncomplainingly doing the grown-up side of the upkeep, as well, and taking pride in jobs well done. If we, as parents, drag our feet about doing chores (or ignore them unreasonably), how on earth are we going to keep our homes and properties from looking like the house on The Munsters ? And, more importantly, how can we expect our children to grow up with a good work ethic and sense of responsibility? 

It's the same as with our prayer lives. Our example is everything. Children need to see Mom and Dad work and pray, both -- with a disposition that inclines them to imitate us. It's not always easy, but it's doable and more important than many realize. We have to be Martha and Mary, both. Martha is the work, Mary is the whistle.

The photos: Babysitting the little girls last weekend: they wanted to watch a cartoon movie. So we cleaned the house. I said, "Wouldn't you like to watch our movie in a sparkling clean house?" And they pretty much said, "Whatever it takes, Mommom." 😅

Ella, dusting the piano.

But, here's a thing about that. I carefully instructed each little girl in exactly what I wanted them to do and how to do it -- and each little girl really did try as hard as she could to do her little job just right. Which, in reality... as you might guess... fell (ahem) a bit short of how Mommom (that's me) would have done those chores. 😬 I probably don't need to say that I went back later and sopped up the puddles on the floor and the hearth -- and made sure there weren't any keys stuck together on the piano -- and put a blanket over the very clean and very wet sofa cushions. But all the little girls had tried so hard and worked so cheerfully, you know they got their cartoon! 

Which begs the contemplation: Don't you think God must do just that same thing for all of us? Good gracious, how I must muck things up in His eyes! Even when I have all kinds of good instruction -- and good intentions... I shudder to think of my practice pancake children through the years, for instance, and how I could have handled so many situations better. But, I truly do believe God knew -- and knows -- that I want to do the right thing, that I want to please Him, even when I'm being (what someone I know and love calls) a doodoohead.  But He (and His Mom!) never fail to come after me and sop up the puddles, fill in the gaps and make it all good. Deo Gratias!