It Really Is True

Yes, children. We really do have eyes in the backs of our heads.

It's not just me. It's true of all mothers. It really is.

I can detect Gabe pinching Anna from the next room, and really do know that Anna started it.

I know when someone is making rude faces out the back window of the car. Don't even have to look.

I can tell when a teenager is mouthing a snide comeback behind my back, even though not a sound has issued from his mouth.

Not only that, but I can smell a poopy diaper a mile away. And know whose turn it is to change that diaper by the swift rustly sounds of a big kid trying to make a quick getaway.

I know who left the bathroom door open, too.

And who stole the rest of the Halloween candy out of its hidden place in the top of the cupboard.

I know where Gabe's lost shoe is.

And what happened to that awful, holey black shirt that somebody insisted on constantly wearing.

My sons aren't on the phone 30 seconds before I know what they want. (This isn't hard, is it, Moms of college-age children?)

I can detect eye-rolling from miles away.

I know my husband is going to call before the phone rings.

I hear the baby the moment he wakes up. And I know whether or not he's going to go to back to sleep.

It's not brag, it's fact.

In addition to the eyes on the backs of our heads, all mothers are equipped with special invisible antennae, an outgrowth of instinct and senses sharpened with experience and mother-love.

We also have an invisible cord which attaches us to each of our children and our husbands, somewhere in the region of the heart. In an emergency that cord is pulled, and no matter where we are, or where our loved ones are, we know that somehow we need to spring into action. First by prayer, then with contact.

And, then there are, of course, the angels. The guardian angels of children and mothers must stay in constant contact, with each other and with the mother. We all have the duty of safeguarding these children, body and soul. It's a team effort.

So, you see, kids, we moms are better equipped than 007 with invisible mother gear and secret agents.

All for your safety and well-being.

Because we love you so much.

(Stop rolling those eyes!)