100 Things I Learned the Hard Way

31) You haven't succeeded in preparing the house for important company (or a showing when you're selling), until you've broken a jar of pickles in the kitchen.

32) It doesn't matter how hard you try to "accessorize" and uber-clean the house, if it's a big old non-conforming victorian, with spotty electricity and iffy plumbing ~ well, it's all just lipstick on a pig. Clean it decently, make it smell nice, lower the price, and just be very patient.

33) Don't leave your makeup where your three year old daughter can get it. (The same thing goes for scissors, permanent markers, vaseline...).

34) Don't name an animal you plan to eventually put in your freezer.

35) Unless you are committed to the natural-ness of cloth diapers, they are just NOT worth the pain, heart-ache and expense. Especially if you have two or more in diapers. If you use a diaper service, you're sure not saving money; if you don't use a service, you will be married to your washing machine and be changing diapers 24 hours a day. The hot water does cost money, and your babies are bound to have rashes. And, seriously, washing out those poopie diapers... Yuk!

36) Never assume all the children are in the car. Count heads at least three times before pulling out of any driveway.

37) Never assume all the children in the car belong to you. Occasionally stray toddlers hook up with big families in large department stores, assuming we are the line for the daycare bus.

38) Unless you're pregnant, avoid wearing clothes that can even remotely be misconstrued as maternity, especially if you have friends and family who are likely to lay bets on you.

39) At least half of all the reading you do should be to or with your children.

40) God actually has three answers: "Yes," "Not yet," and "I have something better in mind."

(Thanks to my friend, Rosemary, and the man at the airport for this one!)